I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize