dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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