Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
