How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
