White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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