Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
