5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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