I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
