We won't sleep together?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
