Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize