There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Sober January is a disaster.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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