My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
