I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I have demons in me.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize