apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
