At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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