hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
