Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
