Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
