I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
