what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
