We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
