booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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