I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
