Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
