tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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