Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
