omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize