I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
