did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
