i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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