Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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