if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
