I want to walk on stilts...naked
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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