Is it because I queefed?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When did we convert life to cartoon?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize