just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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