Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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