it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
