omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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