It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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