it was like his penis was on wheels.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
