i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
