What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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