i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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