I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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