So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
