If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
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