I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
