CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
