My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
