I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
