STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize