you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
