marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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