dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
