he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
