if only i could text you this smell
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
