it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
