So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
