There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
