When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
