and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
