Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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