I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
